Sunday, November 25, 2012

Gay Old Methuselah

This is neither a rare book, nor an expensive one, nor is it a gay themed book. It is, in fact, about as heterosexual as it gets, a piece of early 20th century humour in which aged Methuselah gives advice to his son on the wooing of women, with all the attendant sexism and attitudinal challenge one would expect from the time. But doesn't it look good!? The illustrations and the design are just fabulous. So I thought it might be ripe for a bit of gender swapping and fun to gay-up at random some of Methuselah's maxims...

  • My son, ere thou takest thyself a husband, engage him in a game of poker and much shall be revealed.
  • My son, if a man confesseth that he love thee and thou lovest not him, leave him not, forsake him not in his anguish; make him laugh, and let thy conduct be merry.
  • My son, beware of the boy next door [plain damsel] who charmeth thee, for he needeth much wile, and useth diverse weapons.
  • He who spilleth ice-cream upon his front shall be forgiven; but whoso mention last night's indiscretion shell be dspised.
  • Teach thy son to love an older man with his first love, for he shall know much an come to no harm.
  • Woo him not till thou hast seen his father, for a score of years worketh wonders.
  • Two kinds of men there be who smoke cigarettes: he who wishes to, and he who wisheth two.
  • Some men are to be captured by storm and some taken by seige; yet if there be not a traitor in his heart that shall deliver up the garrison, thou shalt not prevail over him.

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